well most of my day revolves around power hour
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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