You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
