Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
