Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
