So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
