you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
