I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
