I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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