Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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