last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
