Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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