Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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