I wish I could teleport
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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