For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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