New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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