he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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