I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
