I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
