We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
