i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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