You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
