Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
