hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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