dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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