Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
