would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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