I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
