yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
