I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
