Im at strip club and am horny
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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