I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
