I met the friendliest cop last night
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
