I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
