he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
