Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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