Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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