just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
