i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
