ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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