Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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