dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
