I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
