just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
