she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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