If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
