marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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