You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
