I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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