At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
