it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize