for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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