At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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