She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
