Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
