As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
